you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
