College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
