dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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