Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
