Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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