Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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