I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
