She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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