90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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