Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
