ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
