i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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