I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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