we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
