Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
