so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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