so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
