I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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