So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
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The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
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At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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