I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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