can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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