I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You dont lie about slip and slides
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
