At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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