I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
