Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
