Someone shit on the floor
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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