Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
