if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
