I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
