gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
