And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
