If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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