I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
