He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
