dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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