either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
