Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
