i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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