I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
