Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
