I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
