Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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