Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
