hotel room ftw
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
