I hate all girls vehemently.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
