We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
