Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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