im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs speak an international language.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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