I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
