I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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