I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
