just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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