My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize