I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
