Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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