I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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