I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
