when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
