I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
