Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
