Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
