He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
