I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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