I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
