I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
