I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So apparently I’m into choking now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
