As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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