the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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