hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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