She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
