Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
