cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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