I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
