a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
