I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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